


Happy to have you in my life

by katychan666



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Bittersweet, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Malec, malec feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 18:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8295352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Feeling lonely while being surrounded by people is the worst feeling ever and Alec isn't s stranger to that. After years of feeling lonely and depressed, he was finally able to meet someone that makes the loneliness flee away. When Alec goes to his dark place, Magnus is there to calm him down and to let him know that he isn't going anywhere. He is there to stay. For good.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit more serious fanfic from my usual ones, but I hope you'll still like.

Alec hated the feeling of loneliness that would creep up into his heart every single night. It would get so bad to that point that he would struggle to breathe, his eyes wet with tears, his body shaking badly as he would press the pillow against his chest and just loudly sob into it, crying himself to sleep. After crying, venting out his feelings and frustrations, he would feel okay, 100 pounds lighter. But that annoying feeling of loneliness wouldn’t go away, it would soon return back and then all of it would repeat itself. He hated feeling things, it would be much easier if he wouldn’t be able to feel… pain, sadness, hurt, loneliness were the things that dominated his heart and mind.

When did actually all of that start? When his dad died, when he was still a child? When his mother said she was disgusted once he finally got the courage and come out to her? Or maybe it was when he and his sister started to distance themselves from each other? Alec sighed and closed his eyes tightly, not knowing it himself when it started. Back in the day, he was happy. His childhood was amazing, his parents would never deprive him of anything; he always got what he wished for. However, after his father’s death in a car incident, everything that he once knew that started slowly to crumble apart. Once an outgoing child, Alec started to distance himself from others, pushing them out of his life. The people that he once had for his friends, always ended up disappointing him. They’d lie to him, hurt him, which lead the young man to driving all of the important people from his life.

And then there was Isabelle. They used to be so close growing up, their bond even tightening when their father died. They used to spend all of their free time together and when Alec would be bothered by something, he knew that he could tell her anything. She didn’t judge him when he finally told her that he was gay and he was more than happy about that; around her, he didn’t have to pretend to be something that he wasn’t. But then, things changed. She moved out and distanced herself from her mother and Alec as well. They still cared about each other, Alec knew that, but it wasn’t the same anymore.

Maryse was a good mother, Alec knew that she did her best to keep him and his sister safe. It was hard after Robert died, Alec could hear her sobbing at night after his father’s death and it killed him. He remembered placing hands on top of his ears, just so that he couldn’t hear her sobbing as he would cry himself to sleep. He never cried in front of his mother or sister; he knew that he needed to be strong. He was the older sibling, so he was always there for his Isabelle or Maryse when they needed to talk or a shoulder to cry on. But who was there for Alec? He had learned it soon enough that pillow was his best friend; it always drowned down his sobs once he would completely break down.

When he came out to his mother, she didn’t take it too well. Maryse said that he was only confused and that it was a phase, which he would grow out of. Years passed, but Alec didn’t grow out of it, not that he didn’t try to. He tried his best to be what his mother considered ‘normal’, but in her eyes, he ended up disappointing her. Maryse never called him a disappointment, but she didn’t have to. Alec could see it all in her eyes, the resentment and sometimes, even disgust. It killed him, but what killed him the most was the fact that they never talked about it. He tried, he really did, but Maryse would always just end things with a joke or something like this. Alec could see it; she didn’t want it to be truth. She didn’t want a son that was a in her eyes a freak.

As years went on, Alec learned how to have his emotions under control and how to pretend that he was okay. It wasn’t that difficult really, or at least that was what he believed. He learned how to smile, even though inside he was screaming for help. He had a few friends in his life and they were wonderful people, but Alec never showed them what he really felt. He didn’t want them to think that he was weird, he didn’t want to drive them away. He thought that if he would trouble them with his problems that they wouldn’t want to hear them. It was the worst feeling; having people around you, but deep inside you felt lonelier than ever. But once alone, every now and then, he would completely break down.

And he did. He was again crying, hugging the pillow tightly to himself. It was hard to breathe and he swallowed back a sob when the door of the bedroom opened, the bed creaking when someone sat down next to him and placed a hand on top of his shoulder. Alec turned around and cried harder when he saw Magnus sitting there, his face troubled as well as his fingers were digging deep into his shoulder. Weight lifted off of Alec’s chest when Magnus laid next to him and wrapped his arms around him, allowing Alec to continue to silently cry in his arms.

“Shh, it’s okay, angel,” whispered Magnus into his ear. “You don’t have to cry alone anymore. You have me, please remember that,” he said and pressed a kiss against Alec’s temple. “You don’t have to pretend to be strong for me, show me the real you. I am going to love you no matter what, Alexander.” He then lifted his face up and started kissing the tears away, showering Alec’s face with soft kisses.

Magnus’ words made Alec choke up again and he closed his eyes tightly. After years of loneliness, he was lucky enough to meet Magnus. They hit it off almost immediately and honestly, if he didn’t have Magnus with him, he didn’t know how he would manage. It was baby steps, but little by little, Alec learned how to put his walls down that he had built around himself to protect himself from getting hurt. Magnus knew how hard it was for Alec and he didn’t mind it; he was patient with him. He wanted Alec to know that he wasn’t lonely anymore. Maybe a lot of people had left his life, but he was there to stay. No matter what.

Magnus arms were able to calm down Alec and once he was done crying, he wiped the tears away, the feeling of loneliness slowly fleeing away. When he was with Magnus, he finally didn’t feel alone and he felt like he finally belonged somewhere. Magnus knew all too well about Alec’s past and he never pushed him to do anything; he was patiently waiting for the younger man to open up for him and little by little, Alec was showing some kind of progress. Also, Magnus made sure that he got some professional help as well; he got him to therapy and even though Alec hated the idea at first, after almost a year going there, he was finally starting to feel a bit better about himself.

“Thank you,” said Alec after a bit, his voice still raspy from crying. “Y-you’re really the best thing that had ever happened to me,” he said. “I’m sorry that I’m dragging you along with all of my shit, I just-”

“Nonsense,” said Magnus and quieted Alec with a kiss. “I’ve said it before, haven’t I? I am always going to be there for you, I won’t leave you. I promise.”

Alec smiled through his tears and buried his face into Magnus’ chest, this time tears of happiness filling Alec’s eyes and he sighed, finally feeling at peace. “I love you so much. I am so thankful to have you in my life.”

“I’m the happiest one here,” said Magnus softly and with a chuckle leaned down, capturing Alec’s lips with his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, most of the things that I have wrote here that Alec was / is going through, happened to me. The only difference is that Alec was lucky enough to have met Magnus and, well, I still feel very much alone.


End file.
